Doula Voice: Demelza Danquist

Prepare Your Mindset for the Birth YOU Desire

Part 1

5 Clues to How the Mind Works 

*Disclaimer: Labor and birth can take on unexpected twists and turns at any time. Although I speak a lot about creating a desired outcome, I also urge people to be open to the deep surrender that is required in birth. Being educated and informed can prevent a lot of unnecessary interventions and can give one peace of mind that what you might be experiencing is okay and/or normal, even if it’s not what you planned for or desired. *

Can you remember being a child and wanting something so intensely that it’s all you thought about, talked about, and no matter what anyone else told you, you simply stuck with it? This childlike tenacity and determination is the stuff of pure creation and magic. Really, it’s not magic at all, but rather a law of nature like gravity. What you focus on will expand and be attracted to you and will therefore become your reality. 

Sounds easy right? 

Well, it can be when you know how the mind works and adding in some intention, focused effort, and childlike tenacity and voila.

Here are five simple clues to help you work with the mind instead of against it:

1: The mind does exactly what it thinks you want it to do and what it thinks is in your best interest.

       Let’s say for example you’re 15 years old, watching a movie   with a terribly portrayed birth and, while horrified, you say to yourself “I would die if I had to go through that”. Fast forward 15 or so years and either you will have a hard time getting pregnant or be terrified of birth when you do conceive.

2: The mind will always move you away from pain and towards pleasure. “If I have to go through that I will die, remember?”.

3: The mind only responds to the pictures you make and the words you speak to yourself.

4: Although events can have a great effect on us, it’s the meaning and interpretation of the event or scene that imprints in the mind.

5: The mind gravitates toward the familiar and moves away from the unfamiliar.

Okay, so what does one do with all this information? Well you could begin by asking yourself a few simple, yet key questions.

  • How do I speak to myself about birth?
  • What do I focus most of my attention on, and time thinking about?
  • What are the stories I am telling myself about birth?
  • What fears associated with birth do I hold onto?
  • Have I updated the commands to my mind based on my current desires and situation?

Get clear on the pictures and words you’re allowing into your mind space. Create powerful, positive affirmations that best suit your needs and repeat them daily like it’s nobody’s business.

Post them on your dashboard, mirrors, fridge, and anywhere you frequent daily. Read them, say them, feel them, be them.

Suggested affirmation: “I am staying calm and present/grateful with any twists this labor might take”.


Stay tuned for part 2 of this series and a free guided meditation.


About Demelza Danquist.

Demelza Danquist – SLC County

Demelza conceived her passion for empowered birth while pregnant with her first child in 2014.Through a dedicated and daily meditation practice, child-birth education classes and endless hours of reading she achieved a birth that was long, required all of her attention and completely pain-free. She knew that if she could do it, anyone could do it. She became a birth doula in 2015 and a certified HypnoBirthing® instructor in 2018. She is currently training to be a clinical Hypnotherapist to expand her scope and serve her clients more deeply to feel empowered through pregnancy, birth and beyond.